Control.

Things at work have been unsettling. We found out a few days ago there's been some restructuring to the hospital, changing to program management in the next 18 months, and that means layoffs and lots of change. Program management for allied health isn't a good thing, because you become isolated as a professional in your program, you don't get enough representation or support, vacation and sick days coverage becomes an issue, and generally job satisfaction isn't as good. I know most hospitals in Toronto are already using this model of care, but I don't like it :( Amongst the uncertainties also lies my future at this hospital with the contract ending again in March. I feel so insecure here. And of course as a control freak, it doesn't sit well with me. But I think if I had complete control of everything, knew what was going to happen, then life would be just boring and would seem meaningless in a way. But of course, human nature drives us to think and do things for ourselves, the way we want it, even though it might not be for the best. Its a struggle to let go of what we want and giving it up for what God wants. And most of the times the things we want aren't good for us, like fame, fortune and more. I know that if I really believed and understood God's word, I would desire the right things. I know I'm not there yet, but I want to get there someday...

Confidence.

1 John 3:17-23

¹⁷If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? ¹⁸Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. ¹⁹This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence ²⁰whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.

²¹Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God ²²and receive from him anything we ask, because we obey his commands and do what pleases him. ²³And this is his command: to believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as he commanded us.

1 John 4:13-19

¹³We know that we live in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit. ¹⁴And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. ¹⁵If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in him and he in God. ¹⁶And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.
God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. ¹⁷In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him. ¹⁸There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

¹⁹We love because he first loved us.

1 John 5:13-15

¹³I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God so that you may know that you have eternal life. ¹⁴This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. ¹⁵And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him.

Starfield concert.



The concert was amazing! :) I wanna get their 2nd CD now!

Spiritual discipline.

Lately I think God has been nudging me to study his word more, even to commit it to memory (especially with my bad memory!). Romans 12:2 really hit it home:

²Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. - Romans 12:2

In order to renew my mind, it has to be filled with God's word. Another word that popped up while doing devos was 'sanctification'. Its a concept I don't fully understand yet, but I know its a continual process, taking discipline, obedience and dying to my self every day in order to be set apart for God.

My prayer:

Psalm 119: 33-37

³³ Teach me, O LORD, to follow your decrees;
then I will keep them to the end.

³⁴ Give me understanding, and I will keep your law
and obey it with all my heart.

³⁵ Direct me in the path of your commands,
for there I find delight.

³⁶ Turn my heart toward your statutes
and not toward selfish gain.

³⁷ Turn my eyes away from worthless things;
preserve my life according to your word.

Fall.

Things I wanna do:
1. Take a class of some sort... hip hop, or salsa, or Mandarin, or photography...
2. Learn more about thoracic surgeries and chest physio
3. Learn to sing harmony and play piano (at the same time) for worship
4. Organize more fun group events like house dinners
5. Scrapbook my Euro trip (maybe make a girls scrapbooking night out of it!)
6. Get more sleep, drink more water, stay healthy (and avoid getting sick!!)

Learning curve.

Its been 3 weeks since I started on the surgical floor. The pace is much faster than rehab, turnover is quick, and the patients are more medically ill with lots of lines and tubes to manage. I've been trying to adjust as quickly as I can, but I'm still too slow, leaving late every day trying to see all my patients and doing the best I can. I know there are shortcuts in this area, I'm not used to taking shortcuts, but according to my colleagues that's what I need to do to manage. Caseload is from 10-20 patients per day, with discharge planning issues, 4-5 new assessments each day, and complicated medical surgeries. I'm still learning what to expect as well from patients. I know the general expectation for physios what to do post op day 1, 2, etc. but I'm still learning how far to push, how much to do, how much to let patients do on their own, and the exceptions to the rules. I feel uncomfortable in this situation, but I know in the end it will benefit my patients, my clinical experience and confidence as a therapist. Lately I've been having trouble sleeping, waking up thinking about patients. I really need to let go. This stress is taking a toll on my health as well. Looking back, only when I'm challenged do I see God working and pulling me through. When life is too smooth, its easy to become complacent and dependent on myself. I see my spiritual life going through these ups and downs, according to circumstance. I know I need to depend on Him more, but I often do things on my own first until I fail before I realize I need Him. Maybe this is God's way of teaching me a lesson. Or is this what building faith and trust is?

Summer vacation.

So I took 2 weeks off work to go on vacation. Went to Italy and Greece with Vanessa, an old university friend, on a contiki trip. We had a lot of fun. It was super hot, but the gelato was good, the beaches were fantastic and we did lots of shopping and sight seeing.


So we started out in Rome, visited the St Peter's Basilica and the Sistine chapel.



After Rome, we went to Sorrento, Italy. We stayed at a nice hotel near the beach.


After Sorrento, we headed to the island of Capri for the day for a cruise around the island.


In Corfu, Greece we did some parasailing for the first time! The take off was kinda scary but the view was amazing!


In Athens, Greece we visited some old ruins such as the Parthenon and made sure to try the local delicacies.

All in all it was a great trip. Was super jet lagged when I came back, rushed to a wedding reception the same night. Next time I head to Europe I'd love to visit France, Spain and the northern parts of Italy :)